Hard To Forgive My Father
Hard To Forgive My FAther
Why must man cant be man why do they have to be lil boi's all they life? well my name is shmalulu and all my life my father have been in and out my life but never showed us how much her love or care about us. I guess when you getting money kids and like woman there when you want them. all my life i had too deal with my father missing in my life it us to hurt me so bad, i cry my self to sleep at night wondering why he cant be a man and stand up take on this role of been my father, i went thur this for along time, well untile my mother married james, my daddii he gave my the love i have been missing as my father, he called me his babi girl, my dad always was there when i need him, but still having him in my life didnt cover up all my pain that my real father had took my thur, but it felt good just to say hey daddi or i love you daddi and he was there all the time when ever i need him. When james and my mother slip i was back too been lonely again so i took it all too the court and the streets of basketball, it was like all the pain just went away. My father marky came and called when he wanted too he went as much as 2 yrs before we talk or heard from him again, when he call us there really much too say so we just ask for money, i mean my mom couldnt get him for childsupport becasue himand his mother lied when they came too her house or him and his wife house, he old us too much and still act like a child and not a man. i remember going too visit my grandpa one summer and i ask about my dad, my grandpa didnt want me too get my feels hurt so he ask me not talk or ask about my dad, so i did so i always said it was a reason why he didnt want me too ask or see this man thats my father. my grandpa became my father and my daddy. Why is it that a man cant be a man but say they are a man?? why must the child get hurt in the end, the child didnt ask too be in this world. The only time we had our father number was when he was in jail he called us 3 times a day, BUT why must you wait till your in jail too call us 3 times a day? we couldnt have his number, house number he gave us his pager number like was his workers or somthing. When he got out of jail we didnt hear from this man for about 6 months, my sister kids dont know him and my kids will not know him. I hate when he was yall have smart mouth well it wouldnt be that way if you would of came around us and give is the love that we needed from a father. I tryed too forgive this man but i cant it hurts to just forgive him, all the pain show up when i see his face, like this is the same man who didnt care about us or didnt want nuthing too do with us, he always put it off on his wife like she was the reason, she wouldnt be a woman to tell a man not to deal with his kids, what woman would tell a man he cant deal wit his kids the oldest 2 at that. We dont live in the same town city or state as you, so you should wanna call us and check out up on us, but marky oh no he couldnt do that, the thing is you not the boi you once was you a grown ass man step up, the good memeories already past by i'm grown there aint no making up for my kids years or my teen years. Why make all these promise you cant keep? marky had made me and my sister coira promise that he will buy us a car from we walk the stage, guess what that was one of his lies, he put it all off on my mom, marky she had too be the mom and dad all mii life you could do something, i cant rememeber nuthin he did for me that made me smile, but help make me, my mother had too be both mom and dad, she had too get out therr and do thing most mother wouldnt be scared to do, my mother had to be a hustle at a young age just make ends meet. High school came around i changed too a different person, i wasnt so mean too people and my friends was always there when i need them the most, i was talkn too a few guys but nuthin for real i just love high school it changed me to better my self and let the pain go and not think about it so much. when i was in 11th grade i found the love i been looking for in the guy name corvon he was something i been looking for we both was dealing with the same issues, single mother and no father around, life he opend me up and i was so mad at the world. been with corvon help me forget about marky lot, we played basketball and hung out alot, we was in love deep in love. We always promise each other that we would be better parents that we can be. corvon and i was like the movie love and basketball but the end of the movie we have our own twist too it, but still in i love tcorvon but i am not in love with him, i wish him the best, i felt what love was like because of him. after we broke up i told my self trusting a man is something i cant do, falling in love is something i wont do, most guys think i am the meanst girl in the world, i just dont trust guys or girls... i only trust me, i dont have time for a heartbreak and lie that most guys are packed with. My idol my cuzn tyronn lue isthe reason i push so hard, just seeing how hard he workd for what he wanted, he is the best idol i can have in my life thank you tyronn i push because of you... Shmalulu i try cant find a way or a reason to forgive marky, why try when he the father and he dnt give to shits if i die tomrw...i lost all respect for marky when he came down therr he play like he was bring our brother too see it but hell we grown now its too late for all that and why would you bring one brother when we have 2 brother that we never see, he was trying to get back with my mother and start getting real disrespectful with me i told him you call me out my name one more time i'll be calling you wife and letting her know you down here trying to get with my mom and she dont want you deadbeat ass, well i guess marky took me as a joke, huh well he should of second that, he called me a biitch so i picked up the phone and made that call too his wife, and told her everything... marky start been the lil bitch that he is and guna call my aunt and say my mom put me up too it, i told that deabeat nigga if he disrespect me one more time what i was guna do, he hurt me im just getting him back for all the pain he put in my life. It went about 2yrs befor he called my sister again, and that when he saw me on 106 and park thats when he wanted too come back around, but i found it funny and i laugh at him like dude im far from stupid, so when was having a cook out in mexico, mo and ask my sister too come, deep down inside he didnt ask me too come my sister did, i wasnt guna go but she wanted to be nice i went with her, when get there, some ladys ask marky who kids this these and say thats my daughter there thats driving, i laugh like yup thats his daughter im just a friend of the family, yall see why i will never for give this deadbeat biitch?? before we start eating marky say a lil bullshyt speech and how much he love us, biitch if you loved us then you would be a man not a lil boi duhh stupid ass, then too top it off this biitch ass nigga didnt know how old we was...wow a real deadbeat dad right? i tell my brother always be in there childs life because thats one hurting feel a kids have too deal with, and it hard too ever forget too all the father out there make sure you step up and be in your childs life, dont hurt the kid they didnt ask to be in this world.... My name is moana lue and this is a true story about my life, i ask most people that have deal with the same things im goin thur how do they forgive? it hurts real bad, my mother is what i love for i am 23 years and im on the grind too the top and all that hurt is come nad go but i will never let that get the best of me. Most people tell me just let it go but how can i, it hurt so much when i look at this man that my father, then top it off his mother thinks its all okay from him too be a deadbeat too his oldest 2 girls, he was always in them 2 boyz life that live with him... how do you feel knowing you have 2 other kids you never gave a fuck out mark?? she have always up hold her son like he is an angle but trust me he far from that angle she think he is, they havent did nuthin for me and i dont want them too start al they did was cost me hurt, pain, lost love, one day its guna hit him and i only got one thing for him and that FUCK YOU..... im grown and have moved, i will never forgive this man thats my father its not in my heart to do so You lied too me, you put me thur so much pain, and you one disrespectful deadbeat son of a biitch, the only the i regert is you been my father, Bitch you almost 50 it time too grow up. Too all the kids that have grown up with out a mother or a father please dont let that hold you back to the top, or let it stop your dreams just love you million times harder, dreams are all you have to do is belive in you and then the world will believe you.
email me at molulu10@gmail.com for any questions
love always
MzMolulu
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